A Risk Worth Taking (Book 1) Page 8

  “I’m glad you did,” Hayden smiled. “I wonder if your mom knows my parents at all.”

  Kate looked at Hayden sheepishly.

  “What?” Hayden questioned.

  “My mom knows your dad at least. They kind of dated when they were in high school.”

  Hayden looked at Kate with a look of bewilderment. “And you’re just telling me now?”

  “I didn’t want things to be awkward. I didn’t even tell your dad about who my mom is. I have my dad’s last name so he has no idea who I am.”

  “That is so crazy! So we could have been sisters! My dad could have been your dad!”

  “Hayden, I’m pretty sure that’s not how genetics works,” Kate laughed. “If your dad and my mom had stayed together we both wouldn’t have been born.”

  “I know! It’s just surreal! Well, it’s a good thing they didn’t stay together. Otherwise, we couldn’t be doing what we’re doing, being sisters and all.”

  Kate rolled her eyes as she caressed Hayden’s cheek and kissed her softly.

  Both women turned their attention back to the television show.

  Hayden didn’t know what to do. She liked Kate, a lot, and she wanted to see where they could potentially go together, but seeing Joslyn brought back so many bad memories for her. She was starting to remember why she refrained from falling in love. She cared so much more for Kate than she ever did for Joslyn. If things didn’t work out between them it would hurt twice as much to lose her. She couldn’t risk not at least being friends with the woman. Things were safe the way they were. But could she really expect Kate to keep doing this?

  What if she eventually wants more? It’s been so long since I’ve been someone’s girlfriend. What if I’m not good at it anymore? What if I ruin what we have together? Kate deserves someone who can give her the world. What if I can’t be that person? I would never want to be the cause of any heartache for her. Maybe she’s better off if I do go to New York. She’s a great woman. She’s open to love. She should be with someone who is open to loving her back.

  Kate looked at Hayden with the corner of her eye. She smiled softly at the sight. She was falling for Hayden, hard. She wanted so much more with the blonde. But she knew how Hayden felt. This was it for them. Hayden had been hurt by Joslyn in the worse way. She understood why Hayden was so hesitant to enter a relationship.

  But she wasn’t sure how long she could do this. As much as she cared for Hayden, she also cared for herself. She knew that if she continued their hook ups, she would eventually get hurt. Hayden didn’t seem to want a relationship and Kate knew that eventually that was exactly what she would want from Hayden. She didn’t want to force the woman into something she wasn’t ready for. Which only meant one thing.

  This was going to have to end.

  Chapter 13

  It was two days after the storm. The roads were finally clear so Hayden would be able to leave. Though, she didn’t really want to. She enjoyed staying with Kate for so long. It was nice playing house with her.

  When Hayden got up from bed, Kate was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. She could tell by her face that something was wrong. Usually the mornings were Kate’s favorite time of the day. She had become accustomed to finding the woman whipping up a delicious breakfast while dancing around the kitchen.

  Hayden had a bad feeling in her stomach.

  “Hey,” Hayden said cautiously.

  “Hey,” Kate smiled. Even her smile seemed less enthusiastic than it usually was.

  “Everything okay?” Hayden asked as she sat down next to Kate at the table.

  “Yeah,” Kate lied. “Actually that’s a lie. It’s not okay.”

  Did I do something? I don’t remember doing anything.

  “What’s going on?” Hayden asked.

  Kate sighed as she looked down at her hands. She hesitated telling Hayden what was on her mind. She didn’t want this to end. But it had to. For her sake it had to.

  Kate’s silence was killing Hayden. She didn’t like where this conversation was going.

  “I think we have to stop doing this. Stop hooking up with each other.”

  No this can’t be happening. I mean I figured this would happen eventually, but I haven’t even done anything wrong yet. Things were going well between us. What changed?

  “Did I do something?” Hayden asked quietly.

  “No!” Kate replied adamantly. “No you didn’t do anything wrong Hayden. You are amazing!”

  “Then why?”

  “Because you’re too amazing.”

  Hayden narrowed her eyes at Kate, confusion evident on her face.

  The adorable look of confusion almost brought a smile to Kate’s face. But it didn’t. It was too hard to smile right now.

  “I just mean that I find you so amazing that I’m finding it impossible to not fall for you. I’m worried that if we continue what we’re doing I’ll fall more and more for you. I know you don’t want a relationship, but that’s exactly what I want with you.”

  But I want that too. Just tell her that Hayden and this terrible conversation can end.

  “I know I said I could handle putting no labels on us and I thought that I could. But I don’t think I was built to be in a relationship with no terms. At least not with you. My feelings for you are too strong to just call us hook up friends. I feel so much more for you than that.”

  Kate looked at Hayden hopefully. Hayden could tell she was hoping she would tell her that she felt the same way. But at the back of her mind was that terrible self-doubt that she wouldn’t be good enough for Kate and would eventually end up hurting her.

  Just tell her how you feel!

  “Please say something, Hayden,” Kate said.

  This is exactly why I don’t fall in love. Even this hurts. I can only imagine if we were in an actual relationship and we ended up having this conversation again.

  “I don’t know what there is to say. I love spending time with you, but I would never want to hurt you. That’s the last thing I would ever want to do. If this is hurting you, then maybe we should stop.”

  The look of disappointment on Kate’s face brought tears to Hayden’s eyes. Tears she couldn’t let fall.

  “Okay,” Kate replied sadly. “That’s probably the best solution here.”

  “But, I mean we can still be friends right? Obviously, friends that don’t hook up with each other.”

  “Of course,” Kate replied with a smile. Though she knew it was going to be hard to just be friends with Hayden. But she still wanted the woman in her life. She’d get used to being just friends with Hayden if it meant keeping her in her life.

  Hayden released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. There was more between her and Kate than just sex. She was one of her closest friends now. She’d hate if she couldn’t still talk to the brunette.

  For once, there was an awkward silence between the two women. Both weren’t sure where to go from there.

  “I guess I should get going,” Hayden said. “My family probably thinks I went back to New York without saying goodbye.”

  “Have you decided about New York yet? About the job?”

  “No, not yet,” Hayden answered. “But I’ll let you know when I do.”

  “You better,” Kate smiled. “Maybe I’ll see you at the bar later. I’m working tonight.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  There was that silence again. Things definitely felt different now.

  “Okay, I’m gonna go,” Hayden said, rising from her seat.

  “Bye, Hayden,” Kate said sadly. There was a sound of finality to those words that made Hayden’s stomach feel even worse, if at all possible.

  “Bye, Kate.”

  That night, Hayden refused to go to Kove. She was too upset to be around Kate right now. She knew if she saw the woman she would probably give in to the emotions she was feeling and cry in front of her. She couldn’t do that to Kate. She needed to move on and let Kate move on. They both needed a litt
le space in order to do that. It was still too fresh to just act like friends with no romantic feelings between them.

  Hayden found herself at Lauren’s place, a bottle of tequila in hand.

  “So, what’s wrong?” Lauren asked.

  “What makes you think something’s wrong?” Hayden asked, her words already slightly slurred.

  “Because you usually only drink tequila when we go out. When you show up at my place with a whole bottle, something is up.”

  Hayden downed one more shot before looking down sadly. “Kate broke up with me.”

  Lauren looked confused at the confession. The last she heard, the two women were still hooking up, but there was never any talk of being in a relationship.

  “How could she do that? You guys weren’t girlfriends, were you?”

  “That doesn’t matter,” Hayden said sadly. “We were still hook up friends.”

  “Hayden, you can’t break up with someone if you aren’t really together.”

  “But we were together, at least somewhat.”

  “What did she say exactly?” Lauren asked.

  “Basically, she doesn’t like me anymore.”

  “Okay, she did not say that,” Lauren said seriously. Lauren could tell from how Hayden described her interactions with Kate that Kate wouldn’t have just broken up with Hayden without any reason. “What did she say when she ‘broke up’ with you?”

  Hayden sighed as she tried to recall Kate’s exact words. Honestly all she wanted was to forget that conversation entirely.

  “She said hooking up with me hurts.”

  “What do you do to the girl?” Lauren joked, taking an attempt at lightening her friend’s mood.

  “Lauren,” Hayden sighed.

  “I’m sorry, I had to try. Okay, from what you said it sounds like the reason Kate doesn’t want to see you anymore is because she wants more than just a hook up from you.”

  “But we had a good thing going. She was the one that suggested not putting terms on us.”

  “Only because she knew you didn’t want to put terms on it. She did it for you. But now she realizes that it hurts her to be with you and not really be with you.”

  Hayden looked confused at the last part. It was clear that the blonde had already had too much to drink if she was having trouble rationalizing what Lauren was saying.

  “Why didn’t you just tell her how you feel?” Lauren asked.

  “I don’t know how I feel,” Hayden sighed.

  “Yes you do! Hayden, it’s obvious that you like her. Maybe even love her.”

  “That’s ridiculous!” Hayden slurred. “I’ve only known her for a week.”

  “A week in which you spent practically every second with her. You two know intimate things about each other and it’s obvious that you both completely get each other. You know what I think, Hayden?”

  “Obviously not since you haven’t told me yet,” Hayden responded.

  “I think you’re falling in love with Kate and that scares you. So you’re doing what you do best. Running from love.”

  “I’m not running!”

  “Yes, you are. You’re sabotaging your own happiness, again.”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”

  “Of course it still matters. Hayden, you can tell Kate how you feel and finally be happy. Kate isn’t Joslyn and neither are you. Before Joslyn you wanted to find love. You can’t let what one person did change your entire outlook on love. You have something amazing with Kate. Something some people go their whole lives trying to find. Don’t give that up, Hayden.”

  Hayden wasn’t sure what to do. But she was sure of one thing. Not being with Kate hurt.

  Chapter 14

  Hayden spent the next day in bed, hungover. It wasn’t like she had anything to do anymore. She and Kate were over. She was avoiding Kate so she couldn’t go to Kove to take her mind off of things. She still didn’t know what she was going to do about New York. Her bedroom seemed like the best place for her right now.

  At dinner time, Gabe finally managed to drag her downstairs for family dinner. Hayden had yet to say anything and she had barely touched her food.

  “Is everything okay sweetheart?” Julia asked.

  Hayden nodded her head yes, but didn’t bother to look up from her plate.

  Julia and David exchanged looks of concern. The last time they saw their daughter like this was when Joslyn had broken her heart. Only this time, it seemed far worse.

  “Are you sick?” Julia asked in concern.

  “No,” Hayden said.

  “Liar,” Rachel commented. “I heard you puking up your guts earlier.”

  “That’s not sick, Rachel,” Gabe smiled. “That’s hungover.”

  “Can you not right now?” Hayden asked. “I’m not in the mood.”

  “Is this because of Kate?” David suddenly asked.

  Hayden looked up at her father, eyes wide open. She hadn’t told anyone, but Gabe and Lauren about her and Kate. She had been so careful to make sure no one knew about it.

  “You two ended things right?” David asked.

  “How do you know about that?” Hayden asked.

  “I know everything,” David answered nonchalantly. “Now, care to tell me what happened?”

  “No, not really,” Hayden said, sitting back in her chair and dropping her fork. It was no use trying to eat. She had no appetite.

  “Did you do something?” Gabe joked.

  “Why is it automatically something I did?” Hayden asked.

  “I’m just kidding,” Gabe said. “But, for the record, Kate did seem miserable at work today, so whatever happened must have been big.”

  “We just want different things,” Hayden said.

  “So it is something you did,” Gabe said.

  “No!”

  “You let that stupid rule of yours get in the way again,” Gabe added.

  “Can we not talk about this right now?”

  “Hayden, maybe you have to stop thinking with your head so much,” Julia said.

  “What else am I supposed to think with?”

  “Your heart,” Julia answered softly.

  Hayden sighed as she looked down. “You get hurt when you think with your heart.”

  “That’s not always the case,” Julia said. “Sometimes thinking with your heart leads to something extraordinary. You’re letting your thoughts get the better of you.”

  “And your letting your past experiences decide your future,” David added.

  “This isn’t just about Joslyn.”

  “Yes it is, honey,” David said. “You’re afraid of getting hurt again.”

  “I’m already hurt!”

  “But that’s only because you’re not allowing yourself to give in to what you’re really feeling,” Julia said.

  “What if I don’t even know what I’m really feeling?”

  “You do, Hayden,” Julia said. “Deep down you do. You just have to listen to what your heart is telling you to do.”

  Hayden knew what her heart was telling her to do. She just had to figure out how to shut off her brain.

  That night, Hayden and Lauren went to a club a little outside of town. She needed to get out for one night and just forget about everything.

  “Shot of tequila and a vodka soda?” Lauren asked Hayden as they sat down at the bar.

  “I think I’m taking a break from tequila for a little while,” Hayden grimaced. “This morning was killer.”

  “Agreed and I didn’t have nearly as much tequila as you did.”

  “What can I get you ladies?” the bartender asked.

  “I’ll just take a vodka soda,” Hayden said. “Easy on the vodka.”

  “I’ll take a gin tonic,” Lauren added.

  Hayden looked around the club and then at the other patrons sitting at the bar. She quickly spotted the guy next to her eyeing her. She looked away, pretending to ignore the man.

  Great! I so don’t need this right now. Maybe if I ignore him h
e’ll go away.

  The bartender gave Hayden and Lauren their drinks.

  “Don’t look now,” Lauren whispered in Hayden’s ear, “but the guy next to you is staring at you.”

  “I know,” Hayden rolled her eyes.

  “Maybe you should talk to him.”

  Hayden looked incredulously at Lauren. The last thing she needed was another person being thrown into the mix. Besides, the only person she could focus on was Kate.

  “Are you insane? That’s a terrible idea.”

  “Why?” Lauren asked nonchalantly. “I thought you weren’t going to pursue a relationship with Kate.”

  Hayden narrowed her eyes at her friend. Lauren was trying to make a point.

  “Nice try,” Hayden said. “Very clever.”

  “I thought so,” Lauren laughed.

  “Could I buy you a drink?” the man next to Hayden asked abruptly.

  “I already have one, thanks,” Hayden responded, barely taking a moment to look at the man.

  “Come on. I’m sure you could use another.”

  “Not really,” Hayden sighed, clearly irritated.

  The man didn’t seem to pick up on her irritation, because he turned his body towards her in order to continue their conversation.

  “What’s got you in such a bad mood?”

  Hayden glared at the man. She had to admit, she admired the man’s persistence. If she weren’t so hung up on Kate she’d probably be more open to the man.

  “See, you clearly need another drink! I’m Tag.”

  Tag extended his hand in greeting.

  Hayden sighed, finally giving in. She shook the man’s hand and smiled. “Hayden. And this is my friend, Lauren.”

  “Nice to meet you ladies,” Tag smiled. “So, you going to answer my question or just leave me hanging?”

  “It’s complicated,” Hayden answered.

  “I’ve got time.”

  Hayden eyed the man carefully. She glanced back over at Lauren, but she was already occupied by the man sitting to her right.

  Maybe talking to a stranger about my problems might help. How much more biased can you get?